Friday, January 9, 2009

Just Life

The last couple of days have been uneventful. We did some dishes, a little laundry, I changed the oil in the generator and we went for a nice walk.

We had a short visit from our friend Mr. Trader, we are going to be getting a propane oven from him as soon as we get some money. This will make wife happy. She will have a real oven to bake in again, mmm fresh bread. OK, it will make me happy also.

I have plenty of things on my "To Do" list but I'm constrained by materials, and materials cost money. I have lots of wood, all I have to do is cut it down and figure out how to make it into lumber using a hatchet and a chain saw. I really don't want to cut down a lot of my trees. The trees are most of the prosperity's value and are our reserve heat source should anything ever happen to the propane supply.

I'm starting to worry about my long term income prospects. I don't plan on being on disability forever and I 'm fairly certain that the insurance company will make sure that would be next to imposable. I don't think I will ever be able to go back to what I was doing. Just the thought of the cubical farm and the problems I was having puts me into a very Hulk like mood. (Hulk SMASH!!!)

My therapist says this kind of reaction is my reptile brain overriding the reasoning part of my brain. The reptile in me thinks I'm being chased by a gorilla and preps the body for fight or flight. I'm working with her to try and gain some control over this reaction, but something has occurred to me in the last few days. What if I am being chased by a gorilla? No, not a tree dwelling gorilla, I'm not that far gone, but the modern equivalent, a situation or event that is a threat to me or my family's life. If that is the case am I not putting myself at a disadvantage in a life or death conflict by overriding my reptile reaction? I don't know, it's something I will have to talk with her about at my next appointment.

For now I think I will just finish my morning caffeine fix (Tea, Earl Gray, Hot) and try and get through the day.

The Gorilla Chased Geek of Treehaven.

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